We don’t drift into the life we want. We get there by living with focus—every day.
My son and I have been following the NBA playoffs closely this year. Growing up in South Dakota, I’ve been a lifelong Timberwolves fan. My son grew up in New England and cheers for the Celtics. Because they both had good teams this year and made a deep run into the playoffs, we’ve enjoyed keeping up with the scores and watching the games together.
I played basketball in high school and continue to play in a league even today. It’s an Over-40 Rec League at the local gym, but still…
In basketball, there’s a phrase that gets used quite a bit: Regress to the mean.
The phrase actually comes from statistical analysis and means this: “The phenomenon where if one sample of a random variable is extreme, the next sampling of the same variable is likely to be closer to its average.”
In the game of basketball, it looks like this: Let’s say a player, over the course of a season, makes 50% of their shots. If they begin a game making their first nine shots in a row, it doesn’t mean they’re going to make their next nine shots. In fact, it’s more likely they’ll soon hit a cold streak and “regress to the mean.” Most likely, by the end of the game (or series), their shooting percent will be close to their average of 50%.
In some ways, I think this is a helpful way to view life.
Because what I’ve noticed, the older I get, is that there seems to be a constant pressure on our lives to regress to the mean of the society around us. By that I mean, there’s a continual pull to return to the average lifestyle of the people around us. And only when we purposefully live intentional lives are we able to resist that pull and overcome it.
There’s a funny saying I once heard about exercise: “Finally hit my fitness goals! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the gym again every day for the rest of my life to make sure I don’t lose it all by tomorrow.”
If you’ve ever tried to maintain a healthy body, you know this is an absolutely true statement.
Getting in shape isn’t something that just happens once and then it’s over. It requires intention every day. If not, we slowly regress to the cultural norm of sedentary living.
Of course, we can see this principle in other areas of life too:
- Eating healthy
- Learning and growing
- Staying out of debt
- Living a minimalist life
- Generosity and service to others
- Kindness and compassion
- Maintaining healthy relationships
- Spiritual growth
- Gratitude
- Self-discipline
And the list could go on. If we don’t constantly lift up these attributes, it becomes easy to neglect them.
In fact, almost all of the positive traits we hope to embody in life require constant attention and focus. They don’t just happen by accident. Left unattended, healthy habits drift—because everything in life tends toward disorder, not order.
This is why we sometimes feel surprised when good habits slip—even after weeks or months of consistency. It’s not a failure, it’s the nature of life. The pull toward distraction, comfort, and conformity is strong and baked-in to the human existence. But being aware of that pull helps us resist it. Knowing it’s coming is half the battle.
Life is a thinking game. And intentionality is required—not just for a season—but for a lifetime.
I suppose there are some who might hear this and think, “Well then, what’s the point of trying to live an intentional life if I have to work at it forever?”
But I think there are at least two reasons:
1. It does get easier.
A basketball player who shoots 33% for most of their life can increase their average to 50% through practice and discipline. Of course, regression to the mean means that player won’t shoot 9-for-9 every night. But it does mean, their baseline standard of life, even after regression is at a higher point than before they started.
The same is true for us. The more consistently we show up in the areas that matter, the more they become second nature. The effort required might not disappear, but it does lessen. And our foundation becomes stronger and more resilient over time.
2. Our lives are valuable.
Each of our lives holds incredible worth, and there are people in the world who need us to live our best life. We need us to live our best life. And so do our families, our communities, and the causes we care about.
There are people you can love better than anyone else. There are problems in the world that you are uniquely equipped to solve. Getting to the end of our lives with the fewest regrets—and the highest level of pride—is often contingent on whether we chose to show up and be intentional each day.
Life is a thinking game. Positive habits require consistent attention and focus.
But they are always worth it.
