Small, but Significant
What do you want to be when you grow up? What will your career look like? How are you going to serve the world?
When I was younger, I may not have had a solid answer, yet I knew I would be important, in charge, and, if things went really well, well-known and respected as an expert. Maybe, if I were truly honest, maybe even famous. I had big dreams, very big dreams.
Fast Forward to life
I would not use any of those words or phrases to describe my life’s work now. It has taken me quite a long time to arrive at where I am right now and be content. Some may say it is from aging. By the time women reach a certain age, many life lessons have taught them that the dreams of youth must be replaced by the realities of life.
If I did not have God beside me in learning these lessons, I would be a different person. And not a better one. And God, in his goodness, has not only been beside me but has given me the lessons to learn.
As a person prone to big dreams and ideas, I need to guard against comparison. I see many people and wonder why I am not more like them. It is foolish to think that the life others show us in small boxes of curated images is the sum total of their life and that each day is fabulous. Yet, there I go at times.
I also struggle with being known for who I am and what I contribute to the people and places I serve.
Pray to be Small
One day, while working at the retreat house, I said a hurried prayer as I walked past the downstairs chapel. I paused, turned to Jesus in the tabernacle, and said, “Please show me how to stop this struggle.” As I turned and walked away, I heard, “Pray to be small.”
What? Why?
This seemed to be the opposite of what I needed. As the weekend progressed, however, I felt more and more a tug to be small and accept others’ little slights. No one was mean or rude; they just had trouble recalling my name, that I was not a nun, or what exactly my role was on this retreat.
I was genuinely puzzled, but rather than being upset, I sat with this idea of ‘smallness’ without equating it with unnecessary or unimportant.
Another Retreat
About a month ago, I had the opportunity to serve on an 8-day silent retreat as a spiritual director to 4 women. I had no thoughts about sharing where I was, what group I was working with, or what I was doing on social media. Spiritual direction is private. And while I could have talked about what I did publicly without giving out any details, I realized I was not to do that. God wanted me to practice being small.
Then I saw others posting about other conferences and institutes that were going on. What new relationships were forming, pictures of Mass, groups praying together, and promoting themselves and their work. This is not a criticism; it simply made me think more and more deeply about what God meant when he said to pray to be small.
Small as a Spiritual Director
Spiritual directors are meant to be small. And humble. Full of the Holy Spirit, not of self. During that 8-day retreat, I spent hours listening to how God spoke in prayer. The depths of a soul are peered into, and there is an intimacy that comes from trust that is not from years of relationship with each other but rather the trust that God is working in each of us, and we were brought together for a purpose, a very specific purpose.
Spiritual directors are meant to be small. When we are small, we listen more deeply to the words spoken and the desires behind the words. We put aside our ‘self’ and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us to our response, knowing that it can be as simple as a quiet nod without any words.
Spiritual directors are meant to be small. Not in a self-deprecating manner, thinking we do not matter, or our needs are not important. We know when it is our turn to receive, we will, but when we are directing someone, it is their time. Our needs fade into the background, and though our directee might talk about something that has happened to us, we do not tell our story. If the conversation moves into areas that remind you of difficult past experiences, ask the Holy Spirit to help you put aside your feelings for now. Then, you can pray or talk to your spiritual director.
The temptation is to mistake small with unimportant. Unseen by others with not necessary. Quiet with boring. That would be incorrect. The value of work done with one person, in the presence of God for the glory of God is immeasurable.
You are Important
The work of a spiritual director is hidden to all but the person coming for direction. It is unseen, much like the years Jesus spent with Mary and Joseph in Nazareth. We do know that the time was necessary. Jesus could not begin his ministry until the appointed time.
The gifts of spiritual direction are presence and accompaniment. Sitting with a person, face-to-face, for an hour to talk about their relationship with God, their prayer life, faith, and life, and how it all intersects is one of the most important things I do.
Our task is to listen, to reflect back, to help make connections, and guide the person to know, love, and serve God more deeply. When we make ourselves small, we allow the Holy Spirit in to move in and through us. And through the work of the Holy Spirit, we to come to know, love, and serve God as we are called.
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Image courtesy of Unsplash.
