Come and read a story ’bout a man named Don. Poor writer barely kept his soul fed. Someone who believes deeply in God and yet, has countless moments of doubt and anxiety in his life. Wanting to trust God, but who worries about his families daily bread, clothing and shelter.
For someone like me who has wanted to control everything in my life, I’m learning that trusting in God is one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult life lesson to learn. Even as I write words of comfort and support to people who are learning this same lesson of trust. Our lack of trust in Love is often at conflict with our shared selfishness.
A lesson as ancient as Eden. A lesson as contemporary as now. A lesson I will probably definitely repeat again and again and again.
Embracing a God centered life of doing unto others, has made me question everything about my life, including my future. My professional years as a pharmaceutical marketer and my purposeless years chasing my heart’s every desire. My possession years of collecting needless stuff and my passive years of never questioning worldly institutions.
As someone who is spiritually awake, it’s tough at times to always trust in God. Not Fabolous Thunderbirds “tuff enuff”. I’m not wrestling with lions or grizzly bears or angels, but I am wrestling with God. Trusting in God as I attempt to create more love in the world.
Realizing I cannot return to my past career which is NOT a judgement of other people but a self-realization. All the while knowing I still need to earn a living to support my family. Believing that writing about spirituality is exactly where God wants me to direct my talents.
For someone who is fifty-seven years old, who has no permanent job and who is eroding his life savings; trusting in this journey with God is very unsettling to say the least. Very unsettling. At times it feels terrifying.
I still get anxious and scared about the future because I’ve always been the one who takes care of others. I’ve always been the person “in-charge” (understanding now this is a myth). I’ve always been the one wanting to control everything. Now, I’m learning what every person of faith is always learning. Trust in God and God will provide. It ain’t easy.
My faith has opened my heart to comprehend what I did not understand in my past. The Universe providing me with signs, winks and nudges. Words of encouragement from family and friends. Words of support from people I have not spoken with in over twenty/thirty years. Words of generosity from strangers who are interested in reading what this stranger has written.
Doubt and anxiety fill all our lives, no matter where we are on the journey. No matter how deeply we love God. Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find.
I’m now understanding the boundlessness grace of God’s love. Asking and seeking trust in knowing that God will provide, and I will receive. Love’s only outcome is generosity because God is Love.
